Women are told, in so many ways, that they can stop the abuse, if they just do the “right” thing. Here are some examples of advice women are given:
“My counsellor said to me, ‘You just need to spend more time with him. Maybe you guys need to have more sex.’”
“My friend said, ‘Have you tried dressing up nicely and cooking him his favourite meal? Men have to deal with a lot of pressure.’”
All of this leaves a woman thinking, “I just need to try harder.” Her efforts to keep herself safe, resist his abuse, and plan for her safety are invisible because we choose not to see all the work women do on their own behalf.