Psychological / Mental Abuse
Any act intended to undermine your mental wellbeing and make you feel crazy.
They keep:
- telling me I'm crazy
- giving me the silent treatment
- manipulating me
- playing mind games
- wearing down my instincts
- watching
- stalking
- distorting reality
- bringing up the past to deflect the issue at hand
- using information against me
- rewriting history
- intimidating or threatening me and claiming they're "just joking"
- putting on a good show to win others to their side
- giving me glaring looks
- making me prove things to them
- demanding perfection
- changing the rules
Physical / Threat of Physical Abuse
Any unwanted physical contact or threat of physical contact or harm.
They keep:
- making threatening gestures
- driving recklessly
- throwing things at me or near me
- restraining me
- blocking my exit from the room
- pushing, shoving, hitting, slapping, punching
- using weapons to threaten me or the children
- spitting
- choking
- pulling my hair
- biting or pinching
- kicking
- grabbing or shaking
- locking me out of the house
- threatening to kill me
Verbal Abuse
Any use of words or volume of voice to threaten, belittle, or injure you.
They keep:
- yelling or screaming
- putting me down
- swearing
- using "sarcasm" and hurtful "jokes"
- saying "you always..." or "you never..."
- blaming me
- being condescending
Sexual Abuse
Any unwanted sexual contact or use of sex against you.
They keep:
- ridiculing me for saying "no"
- pushing sexual acts that I do not consent to
- withholding sex because they say I'm undesirable
- using my past sexual experience against me
- insisting on using pornography
- having or threatening to have an affair(s)
- coercing sex by guilt, harassment, or threats
- forcing sex (rape, sexual assault)
- criticizing how I dress (e.g., too sexy or not sexy enough)
- telling me I'm not "good enough"
- telling me I'm fat and undesirable
- putting me down sexually (e.g., calling me whore, slut, frigid, prude, etc.)
- demanding sex as payment
- talking to others about our sex life
Spiritual Abuse
Any word or action that isolates or damages your spiritual beliefs.
They keep:
- using religious authority against me
- attacking my beliefs
- using scripture against me
- isolating me from my religious community
- destroying my soul
Using Children
Any involvement, manipulation, threats, or use of children in abuse.
They keep:
- belittling me in front of the children
- using the children to their advantage
- threatening to take the children from me
- fighting me for custody of the children
- not paying child support
- telling me I'm a terrible mother
- abusing the children
- threatening to harm the children
- using visitation to harass me
Social Abuse
Any attempt to cut you off from sources of support and care.
They keep:
- isolating me
- cutting me off from friends
- embarrassing me in front of others
- controlling who I spend time with
- refusing to spend time with the family
- being jealous
- criticizing family members and friends so I stop seeing them
- monitoring phone calls
- monitoring car mileage
- preventing me from working
Cultural Abuse
Any use of cultural ideas as a way to dominate or belittle you.
They keep:
- using culture to legitimize abusive behaviour
- putting down my culture
- forcing me to adopt their cultural practices
- speaking their language to exclude me
- using extended family to oppress me
- refusing to allow me to learn mainstream culture
Emotional Abuse
Any act intended to undermine your emotional wellbeing and doubt your reality.
They keep:
- teasing
- trying to tell me how to feel
- putting me in a "no win" situation
- using a threatening tone of voice
- being jealous
- intimidating me
- changing mood quickly (e.g., from calm to anger)
- giving mixed messages (e.g., love and hate)
- behaving unpredictably
- withdrawing emotionally
- making me feel guilty
- being competitive
- invalidating my feelings
- blaming me for everything
- withholding affection
- waking me up in the middle of the night
- threatening suicide
- making light of the abuse
Intellectual Abuse
Any act intended to make you doubt your intellectual ability and make you feel inferior.
They keep:
- making me look stupid
- claiming superior intelligence
- correcting my grammar
- confusing me
- belittling my intellectual ability
- not letting me finish my sentences
- showing off their higher education
Financial Abuse
Any intentional act that deprives you (or your children) of financial security or limits your access to financial decision making.
They keep:
- making me account for every cent
- making me justify every purchase
- withholding financial information
- hiding money from me
- limiting my access to money
- closing out joint bank accounts without my consent
- spending money needed for the household on them (or gambling it away)
- belittling my financial contributions to the household
- threatening to take all the money if I should separate
- spending money carelessly
- making me beg for money
- forcing me to commit fraud (welfare, insurance, etc.)
- running up bills
- leaving me with the burden of paying bills when there's not enough money
- making financial decisions without me
- not paying child support
Abuse of Pets and Property
Hurting pets or damaging property in order to intimidate, control, and hurt you.
They keep:
- threatening to hurt pets
- punching walls and doors
- killing pets
- throwing things
- damaging the vehicle
- smashing things
Using Social Media
Using social media to stalk or monitor you can also be considered abusive behaviours.
¹Cory, J., & McAndless-Davis, K. (2014). When love hurts: A women’s guide to understanding abuse in relationships (2nd ed.). WomanKind Press.